


The Incendiary Incident

by half_sleeping



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen, Prank War, idiots being idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 03:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1289857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/half_sleeping/pseuds/half_sleeping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only rule of Prank War is no prankbacks. (Teikou-era idiots.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Incendiary Incident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [troisroyaumes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/troisroyaumes/gifts).



> Originally written on tumblr: revised, expanded, edited.

5. **The Wristband Wrangling** **  
**

Kuroko’s wristbands were the first thing to vanish and reappear on various locations around the school, on the bathroom taps and in the girl’s locker room, on top of the trophy cabinets and between library books. He spent three hours rounding them all up, fuming as he raced from building to building in-between class breaks and deducing- _deciding_ \- who had been watching extra close as Kuroko worked the combination on his locker. 

"Why do you even HAVE so many wristbands," said Aomine, when Kuroko cornered him playing with Kise after-hours in the third gym, which had once been _their_ place. Aomine spun the ball on his finger and grinned, unable to suppress it. 

Kuroko lifted the last wristband, dripping with curry. Today in the lunch room, Aomine-kun had avoided the curry. It did not take a genius. 

"Wow," said Kise, doubled over in laughter. Aomine was grinning so widely Kuroko could see his tongue touching his teeth.

"Aomine-kun," said Kuroko deliberately. "You understand what this means."

"Uh-uh," said Aomine, catching the ball as he bounced it off his shoulders. "No prank-backs. You know the rules!"

Kuroko cursed him, comprehensively.

Kise chuckled and tossed his hair back, throwing off what Kuroko highly suspected to be glitter. “Too bad, Kurokochi.” He winked at Kuroko. “Try again next time!”

4.  **The Shaving Cream Situation**

"My shoes!" said Kise. "My bag! My hair products! My uniform!"

"My books?" Midorima prompted. Murasakibara snickered. 

"Who cares about my books!" said Kise, who really should have been more careful of his own locker combination. "Kurokochi! How could you do this?! No one else uses that gel! HOW AM I GOING TO GET MORE BEFORE WE GO TO CLASS?" His voice climbed, and Akashi made the mental note that Kise's stamina training was clearly paying high dividends. " _I SEE THAT SHAVING CREAM!_ "

Kuroko looked at the can he was obviously and quite prominently holding. It was the last of six bottles, but it had been worth it, all of it, even bribing Murasakibara in Calbee to stand in front of Kise's locker until Kuroko had been ready to unveil his trick. “No you don’t,” he said. “Misdirection.”

"KUROKOCHI!" 

"Too bad, Kise-kun," said Kuroko. He did not even attempt the wink. Aomine was doubled up on the bench, crying with laughter. "Try again next time."

3.  **The Lucky Item Relocation**

Midorima marched into Kise’s classroom. Whispers followed him, and Kise's crowd of giggling girls parted to let him through. “You…” he said, shaking in anger. His sports tape had come loose from his accusing finger. “You…  _you_ ….”

Kise blinked innocently at his teammate. “I know I’m great,” he said. A collective  _aww_ rose from his audience. “Is that what you wanted to say, Midorimachi? Is it?”

"You two will pay for this," said Midorima, infusing every word with awful promise. 

"NO PRANKBACKS!" Kise called after him. He waved Midorima off and threw himself back into his desk. The girls surged back into place, talking excitedly.

"Go on," said Murasakibara, opening a new box. Kise was fairly vibrating with eagerness.

"I told my fanclub Midorimacchi’s lucky item today was lingerie," said Kise. He paused for effect. "Well, I told  _his_ fanclub his lucky item today was lingerie. You’d think he’d be  _glad_. Have you seen his locker lately? And his desk? And his shoe cubby? He should be _thanking_ me.” 

Murasakibara snorted pocky up his nose. 

Kise beamed happily. "Aominechi was totally up for it! He's even offering up his desk as extra space for them if they need it. AND he's documenting everything." His phone beeped. "I don't know why Kurokochi's so annoyed, though. No prankbacks is the RULE."

"Oh," said Murasakibara, steadfastly inert, except for candy. "Sacchin believed you."

2.  **The Basketball Bust**

Midorima planned his revenge down to the most meticulous detail. He prepared every component, even applying to Momoi for authentic samples- though she didn't know _why_ he wanted them, of course. He waited until lunch to strike, when Aomine would be away from his desk. His luck was at its peak and Aomine's was on the ebb, and Midorima had his lucky item, a shoe brush. (He was careful to remove Aomine's green frog eraser from his pencil case before he commenced his operation.) As the class moniter, Midorima was in the perfect position to supervise and enjoy the fallout. 

"How did you get higher marks  _after_ I replaced your assignments with wrongly-done ones?” said Midorima. “HOW?”

Aomine just laughed, but then Akashi said, “Oh, Aomine? You’re on academic suspension pending an investigation into homeworking-outsourcing. Consider yourself suspended from matches until this matter is cleared up.”

Aomine had on a horrified expression. "That's not- that's BULLSHIT," he said.

Kuroko made a weird sound, and slipped down the wall shaking.

1.  **The Incendiary Incident**

"TETSU-KUN!" screamed Momoi, bursting into the library. Kuroko was instantly on his feet, desk duty be dammed. She threw herself on his chest. "Aomine-kun and Ki-chan are hurt!" she cried. 

"We'll go together," Kuroko said, aware of the yearning stares of the Classical Literature Club, the Historical Re-enactment Club and the Model-Building Club as Momoi clung to him.

"What if they're seriously hurt?" she sobbed.

'YOU COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY HURT," she yelled, while Aomine buried his head under the pillow in a futile attempt to  evade her and Kise poured all his energies into looking as helpless and sad as possible. "This has gone on LONG ENOUGH. I am PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN. You are NOT allowed to play these silly tricks on each other any more!"

"Go away, my head hurts," grumbled Aomine. Momoi stalked out to get the school doctor to give her more ice for Aomine, and presumably to catch her second wind.

"You threw a smokebomb into the student council’s meeting room…" said Kuroko, slowly, "but…  _you_  are injured and Momoi-san is very upset with Murasakibara-kun.”

"Akashi grabbed it and threw it back out," explained Aomine, warily uncovering his head. Kise held his elbow and made a very sad noise. "We- fell over each other in the smoke. Couldn’t see shit."

"Murasakibarachi helped us make the smokebomb," Kise said, still examining his skin for signs of bruising. "Did you know he can do that with just the stuff in the chemistry lab? I was watching, I think I can copy what he did and we can try ag-"

"KI-CHAN!" Momoi’s voice rang out accusingly. Kuroko wisely made his escape.


End file.
